Jobs

I spent all day excavating my desk (everything else I can keep very organized on an ongoing basis! but somehow not my desk) to prepare for the new school year; my mind is on preparations, so it's as good a time as any to talk about what's coming up and what's going on.

First, Christian AND Libby have been 200 miles away at college since August 17. That is a huge adjustment for me. I don't even know what to do with myself, having only four children here at home; there are just six chairs around a table built for 10 and when I'm calling everyone, like for dinner or something, the list is so short. Libby and I have been very close this summer—we spent all her free time together—and I miss her very much; thankfully we talk on the phone a couple of times per week, and email or text quite a bit. (All about Kpop. It is the language we speak right now.) I also miss Christian and his daily piano recitals, but he really seems to be doing so well. Most of his friends didn't return to school, because they went on missions. I'm not sure yet what effect that has on him, but his spirits are good and he seems very excited now that he's chosen to major in music.

Emma has been out on her mission for a year, which only leaves her six more months. Sometimes it is like a punch in the gut to think that I haven't seen my firstborn, my beloved, my sweet girl for a year; other times I think it is miraculous how quickly the time has flown and that another six months will go equally quickly. Anyway, she is doing really well. Her Spanish sounds incredible to me, and in between all her work she is putting in a lot of thought about her future, whether she wants to go back to the same university, whether she loves her major, etc. All very grown up stuff. I'm so proud of her.

Blaine has been in his new job for six months tomorrow. He's killing it. His bosses love him. He thought he was an assistant or at least a junior employee to the guy he shares an office with; turns out he was hired as an equal, but because of Blaine's facility with technology and willingness to progress and learn (and the other guy's lack of both) he is advancing ahead. I have no doubt this job will be his as long as he wants it; once he gets the new computer registration and module system* really fine tuned and can train someone else, I also have no doubt he'll be able to move even somewhere else inside the school if he wishes to.

My supervisor texted me about a month ago and said, "I have six students lined up for you to tutor. Is that okay?" Well, no. I still need a block of time every day to devote to homeschool. But what was okay about it is how much she trusts me and wants to give me students to take care of. So I will tutor three students. I'm a little overwhelmed, honestly. I'll probably have to be at the Academy every day at about noon. I've never left my kids for so long for so many days. (Even last year with two students I didn't tutor at all on Wednesdays.) I know many moms out there juggle kids and a job, and even homeschool; but it is all new to me and I'm a little nervous, mostly about how my sweeties will do at home alone without me. I want to give them the same full-time mom the older kids got. But I really do love tutoring, and what a straight-up blessing it is to me to slide into this job this way, rather than having to take time out and finish the one required on-campus class and then student teaching for my degree. I actually think I like this one-on-one work better than I'd like to have my own classroom. Seriously, this is a dream come true for me.

Orientation and check in is next Monday, Labor Day (as it is every year), our homeschool starts Tuesday, and I begin tutoring on Wednesday. I feel like I need to buckle up and keep my hands inside the ride.

__________________________

* Modules: this year the Academy isn't doing class periods, they're doing modular blocks. Some of the kids classes they can show up any time, there's nothing specific assigned; other classes do have assigned modules. Teachers have big blocks in the middle of the day where they can hold office of classroom hours, and kids who have those modules open can go and get help. It sounds really experimental, I can't wait to see how it turns out. My worry all along has been how this modular system will work with the academic coaches like me, who really do need to keep to a certain schedule.

A letter to my Mom and Dad that they can't read

Sunday, 28 June 2015

Dear Dad and Mom,

I'm sorry that I didn't hug you more, hold you more, and weep with you more when you lost your own parents. I'm sorry that I didn't realize that just because you were a grown up, and my rock and security, that you were vulnerable and sorrowful. I'm sorry that I made you be strong for me as well as for you, because now I understand for the first time that you weren't indifferent or emotionless about it. They were your parents. You loved them. You miss them still. I would like to go back in time and squeeze you just a little harder, and acknowledge the difficulty of that transition for you because I don't remember saying anything at all, let alone anything appropriate to you at the time.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry to see you losing your vitality. You've always been a support to me, and it is hard to have that strength ebb. I'm sorry to see Dad so weakened that he can't get out of bed, can't eat solid food. Can't keep the thread or finish a sentence. I'm sorry that conversations with Mom are just a loop of shallow thoughts, repeated over and over again in the span of a minute or two. I'm sorry that you can't take care of yourselves or each other, and so grateful for my siblings that still live close enough that they can help you in the way that you once helped all of us.

I'm sorry that I cried at the end of my mission, because I wanted to stay in Japan more than I wanted to come home. That's not exactly how it was; the emotions were overwhelming, you see. Japan had become my new home, and the missionaries and the Japanese people members of a new, extended family. I was so attached, so in love, that I couldn't wrap my mind around an end to that part of my life; but of course I wanted to come home, to see family, to be with you again. It had been more than a year! Of course I was excited to see you again—and Mom, I never meant to make you feel otherwise.

I'm sorry for the heartache I caused you when I was a teenager. I understand all too well now how you must have hurt when I hurt, cried when I cried, ached when I was mean or disrespectful to you, and rejoiced when I succeeded. I recognize now all that you set aside for me, all that you sacrificed, all the times that you did that I wanted to do that was in no way fun or fulfilling for you. I recognize how many times Mom got out of her bed in the middle of the night to come and rescue a huge carload of my friends from one of our adventures. I recognize how you always kept me safe without being overbearing.

I'm sorry that you won't be able to see my children grow up and marry, or see me become a grandmother. I know you want that experience for me, as I want it for my own children. I'm sorry that Dad won't be at any of their weddings, because I always imagined he'd keep powering on pretty much forever, even if it was only in a slow shuffle.

I miss the places we always visited, even though I know they'd be so different if I went without you. Dad, Lake Powell is truly like a second home to me, even though I haven't been there for 20 years. It was such a part of my life, and you were such a part of Lake Powell—long hikes, swim breaks, the perfect beach to camp on for the night, teaching me how to ski and then towing me everywhere, anytime. Putting up with my whims when all I wanted to do was get tan and not to actually see the sites or do the fun things. I wish so much I could pass that on to my own children, share it with them as you shared it with me. I sorrow that they will never know our special place, and never know you in it.

I am glad for the gentle, constant presence Mom always was at home, and grateful to have been able to see her mothering and her love extend to my married brothers and sisters and their children. She became a grandmother when she was younger than I am now, and she killed it. By the time my own children came along she was older, more worn out; and then she started forgetting. But I remember. I remember the love, and I remember that home didn't feel like home unless Mom was there. I remember my nieces and nephews were as sure of her love as they were of their own parents'.

And now, at the end, I find it very hard to part with you. I've seen you young, hale, and hearty; I've seen you gentling, and aging. I've seen you forgetful and waning. Is there ever a good time for a child to lose their parent, even if the child is grown and the parent has lived a long, full life? It has been difficult watching Mom's mind leave, piece by piece; just as difficult to watch Dad's body decline so quickly that we don't know if we have minutes or weeks. I don't know how much time I have left with my father, nor for how much longer my mother will remember me. But I love you both, for everything you are to me and everything you have made me. I love you both.

Love, Alyson

Hermana Emma Joy Lee

In less than 24 hours this lovely lady, who is still my beloved wee babe, will be entering the MTC.

I adore her. I am so proud of her.

I loved every moment of my mission to Sendai, Japan. I felt joy, I felt adventure, I grew. I wish her all the same.

I cannot wait to see the woman she becomes.

Because when my children achieve things, it feels like I achieve things.

(1) Emma had a fantastic three weeks in London. She had some hiccups and small disappointments in the portion of the trip that she planned herself, but in all it was a terrific success and she saw and did a whole lot and she was ready to come home when it was over which I think is a good sign. And then, when she got home, she opened her mission call, which had been sitting here waiting for her for two weeks.

She's going to the California Santa Rosa mission. Her proselyting language will be Spanish, which she will learn in the Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Mexico City. She leaves August 20, and I am so excited for her. This is going to be an amazing experience, and is probably just about perfectly suited to make her grow in just the right ways for what she wants to do when she gets back.

The world is such a different place than it was when I served my mission. There are mission pages on Facebook and she is already "meeting" other people called to the same mission, or going to the Mexico MTC at the same time. So cool. And the coolest part about the Santa Rosa mission:

"The California Santa Rosa Mission is the first mission in the world to have gone “global” to the four corners of the earth. Missionaries use mini iPads, internet access and skype to teach friends from far and wide. The internet and facebook are used to contact and teach investigators, strengthen relationships with members and contact less-active members."

I had heard about so-called Facebook missions, where a few missionaries in a mission might have iPads and be on the internet an hour or so a day to connect with people and to teach, but how exciting that it is every person in her mission! This, too, is perfectly suited to her talents and abilities. And it will make it so easy for us to communicate with her on preparation day (aka P-day, the day when missionaries are allowed to write home)!

So even though it is Emma's mission, it's really pretty exciting news for the whole family.

(2) Christian graduated from high school. Graduation at Wasatch Academy is pretty great. The student body is small (graduating class of 103) so they actually take the time for the headmaster to read a tribute to each and every graduate, written by their advisor. The advisor walks across the platform with them, stands next to them, and hands them the diploma. Friday evening, the night before graduation, was the final performing arts showcase. Christian and Libby both performed. (Libby ended up winning a cash prize for choreography. I think Christian should have won for his piano piece *objectivity is not my strong suit*, but another pianist won.) He'll be attending Southern Utah University in Cedar City in the fall, and I can't wait to see what he decides to do once he's there!

(3) Oh hey and I forgot to mention, Jackson was officially accepted at Wasatch Academy for next school year. I'll be down to three homeschool students next year. But I'm so excited for him!

Because you're all cats and I'm trying to keep the curiosity at non-lethal levels:

Exciting things happening at Casa Lee (aka News)

B lost his job nearly two months ago now. (If you want to add us into your prayer list!) Though he has been training at The Green PolkaDot Box for two weeks now, and that has the possibility of turning into full-time job. You'll just have to check back later and see!

Emma has purchased her plane tickets for London, and has found a small group of people she barely knows to stay afterward several days with and see more sights around the UK. I am out of my mind excited for her. She is amazing to do all this on her own!

Christian is awesome, but I literally can't think of anything new to tell you. He's precious. Is that news?

Libby stayed up so late all weekend, actively avoided doing homework, and started out her Monday exhausted and stressed with everything she has piling up this week. She does that sometimes, but I do adore her.

Jackson is like the Pied Piper for the younguns in the neighborhood. We actually had this adorable 7YO girl whose family just moved in a few months ago come to the door and ask if he could play yesterday. When she saw him she threw her arms around him and hugged him. That's Jackson. He's a jewel. WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT HIM NEXT YEAR.

Ethan turned 12 in February and so moved from the kids organization to the Young Mens at church. He is adorable, how much he thinks he's a grown up now. And it's true, all of a sudden he is growth spurting for sure. He has grown out of 85% of the clothes in his drawers. For most of their lives Jackson and Ethan were nearly the same height, despite the 2-year difference in age. But two or so years ago Jackson turned up the gas and all of a sudden, almost overnight, he was a whole head taller. And he just kept growing. Well now Ethan's turned up the gas. He's doing his best to catch up to Jackson.

And Kyrie! I bought her some totally cute clothes for her bday in December, and they fit her great. Now, four months later, they look at least two sizes too small. I wish I could go get her some more. Fingers crossed B's training turns into salaried position soon.

Macklin got to participate in his first derby as a cub scout. Pinewood (car) derbies are always fun, but this was a space derby. He did not win. But he had a great time anyway, and that's what's important.

Whoops did I even comb his hair before going to the derby? Yikes. Good thing he's still adorable.

My big news (I guess?) is that I bought some dry ice and self-froze my warts. I Instagrammed one photo of a resulting blister:

I'm excited for the whole healing process to occur at whatever speed it does, so that when I finally peel away the dried up/withered top skin I can see if baby warts dwell beneath, or if I GOT THEM ALL.

Boring you to tears with inane details of my real life. That's my motto.