The more things stay the same, the more they change

Spent the day yesterday in the three-hours distant hamlet of Cedar City with my Emma, checking out a university. Did the housing tour, the university tour, and the financial aid/scholarship session. Made Christian drive us there and back, to get 6.5 hours driving experience under his belt. Kid is 16+, he needs to get his license. We had a great time all around—laughed and talked through the drive, walked and talked through the tour.

Last night as I lay my weary head down, I wondered: how am I ever going to sleep next year? How will I ever rest again, not knowing whether Emma is home or not, fed or not, sleeping or not? How will I let her go?

And then I remembered, she's been away for a week at a time several times—mostly for church camps of various sorts during the summer. And I always slept fine. I'll worry, I'll pray, I'll text and FB a lot, but I'm sure I'll get through.

This is Emma's last Christmas living at home with us, and we realized we've not really established our own traditions, not firmly. B's mom has been so very strong about hers, about wanting us all there every Christmas Eve for dinner and a program, that we've been a little haphazard about our own, sometimes doing one thing and sometimes another. I'm a little sick about it, actually. This year we're going to do our own thing, because next year we want Emma to come home to us, not to Grandma. Fingers crossed it's never too late to cement a tradition of our own.