Yesterday morning I was the first one awake—as I almost always am, on Sundays—so I went into my bathroom to remove my nail polish. I figured I could probably have a long, hot shower and spend a bit more time on myself than I do most mornings. When I got out of the shower I could hear quite a bit of activity, and smell something good coming from the kitchen. I had time to lotion up, get dressed, dry my hair, and repaint my nails (fingers and toes) before breakfast was ready, but this was the Thanksgiving feast of breakfasts—hash browns, vegetarian sausage patties, scrambled eggs, fresh strawberries, and pancakes. Scrumptious, and I didn't have to lift a finger in preparation or clean-up.
After church we went to both grandmothers' homes. We don't usually do that, makes for a pretty full day, but we did yesterday. Drove an hour, spent a bit longer than an hour at B's mom's house, and then drove another hour to my mom's. Had take-out Thai food with my mom and dad and my sister's family. (The Thai food was my suggestion, I'm obsessed.) Left my mom's at about 8:30 and I was fast asleep an hour into the drive, left poor B to keep himself awake and get all of us home safely.
Just now I googled "tropical beach vacation." There are some insanely lovely pictures of tropical beaches, you know that? And I don't know if I'll ever get to visit a single one. When I'm exhausted and the alarm goes off and I want to keep sleeping, I can't. My house never stays tidy or clean for long, and whenever we get a paycheck it is spent almost immediately on such boring things as food and electricity. I do have a bucket list of things I want to do, places I want to see, and I know I almost certainly never will. The timeline of my life is not exactly my own, because I have woven eight other timelines into it.
What's my trade off? I get to hear Macklin tell me every day he has "infinity crushes" on me. (He just said this five minutes ago when he took a break from our science movie to hug me.) I get to have Kyrie rest her little head on my shoulder and tell me she always wants to be with me wherever I am. I get a dozen wet kisses a day from Ethan, and him telling me, "Mom, you're so pretty." I get to have Jackson beam like he just won the World Series when I'm proud of him for his dedication in chores or schoolwork. He really is so focused, I can't wait to see what he does with that when he's a man. I get a lovely hand-made necklace from Libby, along with a card that says, "You are Amazing and selfless, and I don't tell you enough but I love you." I get a handwritten card from Christian addressed "my dear mother" (quite an endearment from a reserved 15YO boy) that says, "Thank you for everything you do, from the 'love you's before I leave for school to giving me a great home education." And from Emma, who isn't even faintly embarrassed to hug, kiss, and hold hands with her mom in front of her school friends, I get to be the subject of a writing assignment about "My Hero."
There are days that I want to escape to that tropical island. There are times when I'm armpit-deep in Legos and I wish I had a tidy, quiet house. But there is nothing more precious to me than being a part of this—all of this—the chaos, the smiles, the occasional tears, the joy of discovery, the frustration of correction. It is my greatest honor and delight to be the mother to these seven children. My life with them gives me more contentment and fulfillment than any number of tropical vacations or tidy houses.
Some people are brilliant mathematicians or scientists or talented musicians. Some are able to truly make a difference in the world in their careers. For some people, I really think their purpose in life is evident more in public than in private—they are meant to enrich the whole world.
But though it may be more visible, their purpose is no more important than mine. I am mother to these seven lovely, wonderful children. To them I am, for a short little while, everything. I carry them on my shoulders and try to help them become everything they can. I pour my life, drop by drop, into them; and in doing so, I find my own cup full to overflowing. Everything they do fills me with wonder and pride. It is an honor to be their mother.
09 May 2011
04 May 2011
BYU Women's Conference (28-29 Apr 2011)
This was my first time attending Women's Conference. I have family members who go often or even faithfully, but I had never gone. Truly, I loved it! Even though I both dreaded and worried about it for the four months leading up. :)
Women's Conference is an annual two-day educational retreat for LDS women, held at BYU (my alma mater!) and attended mostly by locals (though there are those who fly in or drive from great distances). Every session contains real-life advice mingled with spiritual and religious instruction. Each day starts and ends with a general session, a religious keynote address given by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Between these opening and closing general sessions, there are three sessions each day of concurrent classes attendees need to choose between.
I presented in one of those classes, on Friday morning. Let me say how much I loved working with my assigned partner, Dr. Rachel Crook-Lyon. Not only was she really easy to work with, but also she had two paid graduate students to assist her. This was a beautiful thing—they made all the visuals for our presentation (no need for me to whip up a Power Point presentation!) and best of all, they met with the A/V tech crew at 7:30 Friday morning, thereby enabling me to sleep at least an hour longer. So I feel really blessed to have been paired with her.
Our topic was "Staying Safe With Social Technology". Each of us had things we really wanted to cover, so we divided the subject more or less in half and each of us were responsible for our own research on benefits, risks, and safety principles, and for sculpting it into a presentation. Then in the weeks leading up to the presentation we met several times to make it into one cohesive whole. We decided that it made more sense to present all the benefits at once, the risks at once, and then the safety principles at once, rather than having one of us go through their entire presentation and then turn the time over to the other one. So we stood at the podium together and alternated speaking.
The graduate students were building our original visual presentation in Prezi, which IMO kicks Power Point's butt. But it was new to them and it's web-based and there were technical difficulties galore, and with only 22 hours to go they had to give up and start over in Power Point. So Rachel and I didn't know each others' slides well enough and we didn't click through just right while the other was presenting. No matter. :) It turned out fine.
The 703 person room capacity was really worrying me, but luckily our class was not in high demand to begin with. We probably started out with fewer than 200 people, which was a huge relief. We were able to start out strong and not-nervous, so that when even more trickled in over the course of the presentation (as they got turned away from more popular classes, we probably ended up with around 350) we were already in the groove and it didn't scare me.
We got some positive feedback from attendees. B, my mom and dad, MIL, SIL Mary, and nieces Peggy, Marianne, and Lucy all attended to give me moral support. :) It was such a relief when it was over, but I'm not joking when I say that I am glad and grateful that I had the opportunity to be involved.
I also loved the other classes and presentations I attended. Each one had nuggets of goodness, laughs (ever heard 3000+ ladies laughing together with no male rumble to counter the higher voices?), even tears. By Friday evening I was exhausted and uplifted. :)
Women's Conference is an annual two-day educational retreat for LDS women, held at BYU (my alma mater!) and attended mostly by locals (though there are those who fly in or drive from great distances). Every session contains real-life advice mingled with spiritual and religious instruction. Each day starts and ends with a general session, a religious keynote address given by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Between these opening and closing general sessions, there are three sessions each day of concurrent classes attendees need to choose between.
I presented in one of those classes, on Friday morning. Let me say how much I loved working with my assigned partner, Dr. Rachel Crook-Lyon. Not only was she really easy to work with, but also she had two paid graduate students to assist her. This was a beautiful thing—they made all the visuals for our presentation (no need for me to whip up a Power Point presentation!) and best of all, they met with the A/V tech crew at 7:30 Friday morning, thereby enabling me to sleep at least an hour longer. So I feel really blessed to have been paired with her.
Our topic was "Staying Safe With Social Technology". Each of us had things we really wanted to cover, so we divided the subject more or less in half and each of us were responsible for our own research on benefits, risks, and safety principles, and for sculpting it into a presentation. Then in the weeks leading up to the presentation we met several times to make it into one cohesive whole. We decided that it made more sense to present all the benefits at once, the risks at once, and then the safety principles at once, rather than having one of us go through their entire presentation and then turn the time over to the other one. So we stood at the podium together and alternated speaking.
The graduate students were building our original visual presentation in Prezi, which IMO kicks Power Point's butt. But it was new to them and it's web-based and there were technical difficulties galore, and with only 22 hours to go they had to give up and start over in Power Point. So Rachel and I didn't know each others' slides well enough and we didn't click through just right while the other was presenting. No matter. :) It turned out fine.
The 703 person room capacity was really worrying me, but luckily our class was not in high demand to begin with. We probably started out with fewer than 200 people, which was a huge relief. We were able to start out strong and not-nervous, so that when even more trickled in over the course of the presentation (as they got turned away from more popular classes, we probably ended up with around 350) we were already in the groove and it didn't scare me.
We got some positive feedback from attendees. B, my mom and dad, MIL, SIL Mary, and nieces Peggy, Marianne, and Lucy all attended to give me moral support. :) It was such a relief when it was over, but I'm not joking when I say that I am glad and grateful that I had the opportunity to be involved.
I also loved the other classes and presentations I attended. Each one had nuggets of goodness, laughs (ever heard 3000+ ladies laughing together with no male rumble to counter the higher voices?), even tears. By Friday evening I was exhausted and uplifted. :)
21 March 2011
TMI Alert
This post is mainly for my nieces, who wanted to hear how this turned out. The rest of you, feel free to ignore/skip. Ferreals.
It's spring break at the House of L, so we're pretty casual around here. Trying to play and relax and do good things, all at the same time.
But there is one thing of note: last Tuesday I had an endometrial ablation. My mother and all three of my elder sisters ended up with full or partial hysterectomies because their periods in their late 30s and 40s were so long and so hard. From the moment I heard about EA, I wondered if it might work for me instead of a hysterectomy, if my periods got out of control like theirs.
• My mom always said that as soon as her period ended, it started up again. Whenever she went out of town, her period would come. Whenever she had an important event approaching, her period would start. Like it knew. Like it wanted to make her miserable.
• In my case, my cycle went from a pretty reliable 28-30 days to a pretty reliable 18-21 days. Which sucked quite a bit. I'd have one week of period, two weeks off, one week on, two weeks off. I don't know what my mom's actual cycle was (I was, like, 4YO at the time) but even mine kind of felt that same way, that just as soon as it was over it was starting again.
• My sisters had heavy, heavy periods with lots of clotting. My mom would bleed through a pad in a matter of five minutes.
• I hadn't thought my periods were especially heavy, until I was talking about this a few weeks ago with a friend who had already had EA. She recommended against an ablation unless I had actually heavy periods. I mean, the 21-day thing was enough for me, but when she said that I started evaluating: I realized that I'm using the biggest tampon available, and on my two or three heaviest days I'm having to change it every 2 hours. My GYN said, "That's a really heavy period." Plus, as you know, I'm past childbearing and have been spayed for 5+ years. There was no reason, IMO, not to tame/cut down/end the cyclical bleeding.
I had to find a new GYN, and I went in and consulted and set it up. There were two options: in a hospital with general anesthesia as an outpatient (more expensive), or in the office with valium and three kinds of pain meds (for just the price of a copay!!). I went with option two.
Public Service Announcement: For the record, if any of you are ever considering this procedure, I would really recommend option 1.
Per procedure instructions, I took 600mg ibuprofen with breakfast. I took a Valium and two Percocets one hour before the procedure (about an hour after breakfast). When I got into the exam room, they gave me an injection of yet another painkiller that was supposed to last 6+ hours. (Also, an injection of something for nausea, because the Percocet was not my friend.) My stupid achy shoulder has never had such a blissful day of no pain at all. And believe it or not, the procedure was fine. The actual ablation (I had NovaSure) wasn't even what I would call uncomfortable. A pap smear is worse. (Thanks to all those drugs.)
But even doped up like that, the 6 hours post procedure was unlike anything I've ever experienced. The closest thing is labor. But without the 30-second breaks between contractions. Hard, hard cramping. And a little nausea—not enough to make me throw up, but enough to put me off any and all food. And of course I couldn't keep my pain meds up if I didn't have anything in my stomach. Finally I decided if I could choke down a single piece of toast, I wouldn't make myself take any more Percocet, just three more ibuprofen. That was at about the 6-hour mark, and after that, all was peachy. The cramping really slowed down, I slept well (lovely Valium!), and by the next morning I was back to myself.
But see, if you did it in a hospital with a general, you could skip that cramping. In fact my local friend who had EAs did just that, and she doesn't even remember the first six hours post-procedure. See how that seems like the right way to go?
I was supposed to have "watery discharge" for up to three weeks. It freaked me out, then, that there was no discharge to speak of for days. Finally Saturday morning there was a little bit, and now I'd say I'm experiencing as predicted. Yay for expected results. It'll take a few cycles (because of course, the hormones are still in there churning away, just hopefully my endometrium isn't going to build up) before we know how it all shakes out. Fingers crossed.
So that's how I spent the first week of my spring vacation, and the truth is I didn't even make my bed once. Maybe I should do that today?
It's spring break at the House of L, so we're pretty casual around here. Trying to play and relax and do good things, all at the same time.
But there is one thing of note: last Tuesday I had an endometrial ablation. My mother and all three of my elder sisters ended up with full or partial hysterectomies because their periods in their late 30s and 40s were so long and so hard. From the moment I heard about EA, I wondered if it might work for me instead of a hysterectomy, if my periods got out of control like theirs.
• My mom always said that as soon as her period ended, it started up again. Whenever she went out of town, her period would come. Whenever she had an important event approaching, her period would start. Like it knew. Like it wanted to make her miserable.
• In my case, my cycle went from a pretty reliable 28-30 days to a pretty reliable 18-21 days. Which sucked quite a bit. I'd have one week of period, two weeks off, one week on, two weeks off. I don't know what my mom's actual cycle was (I was, like, 4YO at the time) but even mine kind of felt that same way, that just as soon as it was over it was starting again.
• My sisters had heavy, heavy periods with lots of clotting. My mom would bleed through a pad in a matter of five minutes.
• I hadn't thought my periods were especially heavy, until I was talking about this a few weeks ago with a friend who had already had EA. She recommended against an ablation unless I had actually heavy periods. I mean, the 21-day thing was enough for me, but when she said that I started evaluating: I realized that I'm using the biggest tampon available, and on my two or three heaviest days I'm having to change it every 2 hours. My GYN said, "That's a really heavy period." Plus, as you know, I'm past childbearing and have been spayed for 5+ years. There was no reason, IMO, not to tame/cut down/end the cyclical bleeding.
I had to find a new GYN, and I went in and consulted and set it up. There were two options: in a hospital with general anesthesia as an outpatient (more expensive), or in the office with valium and three kinds of pain meds (for just the price of a copay!!). I went with option two.
Public Service Announcement: For the record, if any of you are ever considering this procedure, I would really recommend option 1.
Per procedure instructions, I took 600mg ibuprofen with breakfast. I took a Valium and two Percocets one hour before the procedure (about an hour after breakfast). When I got into the exam room, they gave me an injection of yet another painkiller that was supposed to last 6+ hours. (Also, an injection of something for nausea, because the Percocet was not my friend.) My stupid achy shoulder has never had such a blissful day of no pain at all. And believe it or not, the procedure was fine. The actual ablation (I had NovaSure) wasn't even what I would call uncomfortable. A pap smear is worse. (Thanks to all those drugs.)
But even doped up like that, the 6 hours post procedure was unlike anything I've ever experienced. The closest thing is labor. But without the 30-second breaks between contractions. Hard, hard cramping. And a little nausea—not enough to make me throw up, but enough to put me off any and all food. And of course I couldn't keep my pain meds up if I didn't have anything in my stomach. Finally I decided if I could choke down a single piece of toast, I wouldn't make myself take any more Percocet, just three more ibuprofen. That was at about the 6-hour mark, and after that, all was peachy. The cramping really slowed down, I slept well (lovely Valium!), and by the next morning I was back to myself.
But see, if you did it in a hospital with a general, you could skip that cramping. In fact my local friend who had EAs did just that, and she doesn't even remember the first six hours post-procedure. See how that seems like the right way to go?
I was supposed to have "watery discharge" for up to three weeks. It freaked me out, then, that there was no discharge to speak of for days. Finally Saturday morning there was a little bit, and now I'd say I'm experiencing as predicted. Yay for expected results. It'll take a few cycles (because of course, the hormones are still in there churning away, just hopefully my endometrium isn't going to build up) before we know how it all shakes out. Fingers crossed.
So that's how I spent the first week of my spring vacation, and the truth is I didn't even make my bed once. Maybe I should do that today?
11 March 2011
There are no words.
I can't even express what I'm feeling this morning, hearing that the exact areas where I lived and worked in Japan were hit by the massive 8.9 earthquake and subsequent tsunami. I just feel sick—to my stomach, and to my heart. I watched video after video and read every article I could get my hands on. I know those places. I lived there, rode my bike on those streets. I've ridden trains through, I've visited the seaside. I know those people, they are mine. I belong to them.
Disasters like 9/11 and the Haiti and Chile earthquakes spring to mind. Of course my heart ached for those people. But this is something different yet. This is like a part of my heart is gone. I'm nervous and numb and I can't think of anything else.
So much for homeschool today.
Disasters like 9/11 and the Haiti and Chile earthquakes spring to mind. Of course my heart ached for those people. But this is something different yet. This is like a part of my heart is gone. I'm nervous and numb and I can't think of anything else.
So much for homeschool today.
04 March 2011
I'd rather dance with you than talk with you.
One of my favorite music videos ever, it never fails to make me smile :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OczRpuGKTfY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OczRpuGKTfY
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