From a real-life Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle: Stopping the Bossies
I'm always instituting strange and unusual consequences around here. Having seven children at home all day every day gives us a lot to deal with. I try to find natural consequences for behaviors as best I can, because if the consequence doesn't follow naturally from the behavior how are they supposed to learn?
So yesterday before school even started at 9:00 a.m. I heard a lot of bossing, ordering, and mother henning going on, and I'd had enough. "For the rest of the day," I declared, "anyone who bosses someone else will have to obey that person tomorrow. Whatever they say." Now of course upon retrospect whatever turned out not to be true. We had to exempt school work, but that's not important right now. Suffice it to say that Emma has to obey Macklin, Christian, and Libby today, Jackson has to obey Ethan, and Ethan has to obey Kyrie.
Ah, but it doesn't stop there. The same rule is in effect today. So while Christian and Libby get to have their whims obeyed, if they deliver their decrees bossily ("Come tidy my room!") then tomorrow they have to obey the people they boss. So we're learning the difference between a command, between enforcing your will on someone else, and a request. ("Please will you come tidy my room?")
I'm wondering how long it will take to stamp out bossiness. Weeks? Days? Here's hoping it's correctable.
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4 comments:
I want to know...did it work? I love the idea of love and logic...coming up with natural consequences, but why is it that usually nothing "natural" comes to my mind in my hour or minute of need?
It's a work in progress. Today we still have three kids that have to obey siblings, but I'd say at least the eldest three are at least becoming more aware. Christian hasn't bossed at all since the experiment began. Emma and Libby have about once each daily which is, believe me, a dramatic improvement.
We'll probably keep it up one more week and see where it leads us. Awareness is the first step, amendment the second. *crosses fingers*
Wow! That's got to be a lot of work for you. If we were to do that I picture myself having to tell McKay to do what Emerson is telling him to do all day. Is that an accurate picture?
I've been working on natural consequences very hard just starting last week. McKay has made great improvement because he's self motivated when he wants to be. Emerson, on the other hand, is quite the "wandering mind" and can't make it from the toilet to the sink without being sidetracked by a crack in the grout on the floor. But, I don't worry about him not finishing his chores, etc, anymore because he's the one who has the consequences, not me. I am lots less stress and naggy now.
Actually, Kara, I'm not enforcing it, and mostly the kids aren't asking much or anything on the days they get to be obeyed. It's more an exercise in consequences than in power. I'm surprised that even the ones I thought might abuse it are being really gentle on the days they get to be the "boss" (without bossing).
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