It's like I have a lump in my throat and, at the slightest provocation, will tear up and bawl.
It's been all this week, actually. When I dropped Emma off at school on Monday—a gorgeous springy/summery day, the campus in blossom and green—knowing it was finals week and that the school year was almost over, I experienced, really viscerally, a desire to be there, to spend long days with friends and to smell the blossoms, to learn and stretch my wings. I can't tell you how badly I wanted, at that moment, to be fifteen again, with my whole life ahead of me.
It was so odd; because any other moment in my whole life if you'd asked me if I'd want to return to ninth grade, I can't tell you how big and emphatic my NO would be. And yet I loved high school and junior high. I had a great time in school—great friends, great classes. I definitely remember it with fondness, even if I don't want to do it over. Or maybe I do.
So I have my own strong feelings welling up, memories of a really good time; but also, good heavens, I can't believe how fast Emma is growing. She only gets four years of high school, and she's a quarter of the way through! A quarter! It was a mere blink, how quickly that went. Three more blinks, and she goes—she stretches her own wings and flies, and my household is forever altered. I'm thrilled for her, excited, can't wait to see how it goes and where she ends up. I do want her to grow up and I can't wait to see her adult life unfold. But I also want her as a little kid. I want time to stop, to freeze; I want to live in this moment forever and ever, this moment where my children belong to me, and I to them, and we're all together all the time.
So I sit here listening to Seals and Crofts and welling with tears. Even so: it's a good day.
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Now playing: Seals and Crofts - We May Never Pass This Way (Again)
via FoxyTunes
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2 comments:
Alyson, you put things into words so well. I never anticipated some of the feelings I have had as a mother.
way to go Emma, what a delight to see them succeed. Won't it be fun for all of us to watch how her life unfolds in the coming years!
Can't say I would do it again, but, it was nice... Friends, fun, and little responsibility (although it didn't seem like that at the time). And yes, time goes by quickly... A blink and my Kari will be driving and asking to go on dates... Yikes!
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